Dear Daddy- An Open Letter of Gratitude

 Dear Daddy,

I miss you. I wish you were still here. I cannot lie and say I have fully accepted that in a few days it will be one year since you left. For the first time in my life, I understand that time is relative. Never has a year been so quick yet so slow. Never have I had so many experiences yet felt nothing at all.

I think in many ways I am very lucky to have had you as a father. I am blessed to say that we really had nothing left that was unsaid. I was actually one of the people you did not have the last conversation with, and now I understand why.

Because you said it, and at the time I refused to actually hear it. That you knew I was going to be fine.

You had faith in me before I even had faith in myself.

You knew one day I would wake up and realize my worth, and that nothing you had ever done was in vain.

I want to thank you for protecting me, and thank you for staying silent.

Thank you for not killing some of, if not all of my boyfriends, as I know fully well that you thought about it OFTEN!

Thank you for letting me make my mistakes. They have made me and continue to make me who I am.

Thank you for really knowing me, though many times you were a man of few words, that had no effect on the bond we shared.

Thank you for our last heart to heart as father and daughter, as we were driving into Port of Spain. I know you are looking over me, knowing I will soon fulfill that final piece of advice you gave to me.

Thank you for being imperfect.

Thank you for showing me what a true gentleman does. Thank you for showing me what I can expect of a man. 

Thank you for being an example of true love.

 

Thank you for being the one man in the world who honestly told me I was beautiful, and I knew you meant it, because you had nothing to gain.

Thank you for that note you wrote that I found after you died.

I was going through a dark time and wrote many things I disliked of myself, my sadness and my lack of self-love.

You wrote over it,

I LOVE YOU!YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (in caps)!

I wonder if you knew- that years later, at 30 years old, that would change my life and fold me into a heap of tears.

Thank you for giving me hope.

I love you,

Natasha.

byNL

in change, daddy, expect imperfect, faith, grief, healing journey, logger, love, sel-love, thankful, transformation, triniad

November 04, 2017

Dear Daddy- An Open Letter of Gratitude

  Dear Daddy, I miss you. I wish you were still here. I cannot lie and say I have fully accepted that in a few days it will be one y...

Read More

Things I Wish I had Known and Focused On More

 I remember when I was eighteen years old, I came home one day and I was told I would be going "home".  From spending my days on the beach to pounding a pavement. It was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me.

It is funny how sometimes we are taught many things, but we don't follow up on them, whether it is out of fear, sheer laziness or insecurity.

As my journey continues, I decided to list things that I needed either to know, focus on, learn or believe in.

1. You can always start over
2. There is always a lesson
3. Letting go is easiest when you rip it off like a band-aid
4. You are beautiful
5. You are smart
6. Not every successful person is an academic
7. You don’t need to know exactly what you want to be when you’re a teenager
8. Never stop daydreaming
9. What you repeatedly focus on will manifest
10. Discipline is not easy, it takes commitment
11. Life is only as difficult as you make it
12. Don’t follow the crowd
13. Stand up for yourself 
14. Look at what’s going on inside you when you feel negative emotion towards another person
15. Don’t let your past control your future
16. Always follow your instinct
17. Travel alone at least once.  Live in another country alone
18. Follow your passion- it’s your calling.
19. Mind your manners- you never know who may be watching you
20. Don’t be afraid to leave people behind
21. Live in the present moment mentally
22. Say Goodbye
23. Listen to your parents! Most times, they have been through it, or know the outcome per experience!

Life does not come with a rule book, so we need to share!

byNL

in beauty, believing, challenges, change, choice, faith, girl, improvement, journey, life, life advice, love, parents, rules, self worth, solo, travel, understanding

October 07, 2017

Things I Wish I had Known and Focused On More

 I remember when I was eighteen years old, I came home one day and I was told I would be going "home".  From spending my days on...

Read More

A Journey of Little Footsteps: What You Never Saw

I hated primary school. 

They say be careful what you wish for. 

My family lost everything.

I did not go to school for roughly a year.

I stayed home every day.

Watched everyone go to school.

All of a sudden being unhappy at school did not compare to just not being there.

Our electricity was cut.

We had no food.

Bailiffs took little of what we had left.

I hid what I thought was valuable when I heard them coming.

I hid my dog.

But today, when people see me.

They judge.

They don't know.   

What I lived.

I lived in fear of judgment.

Until I realised I was being judged.

Their judgments.............

They insulted my life and my experiences.

You have no idea.

Do not judge a book by its cover.

Till today I have never let anyone open me.

But why not, since they have made their own assumptions, but never walked in my shoes.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Walk in faith, believe in yourself and understand. Those who judge are blinded by their own thoughts.

byNL

in confidence, depression, diary, documentation, expression, faith, insecurity, island gir, leaning a lesson, life, moving on, spirituality, story, teach, Trinidad, truth

September 30, 2017

A Journey of Little Footsteps: What You Never Saw

I hated primary school.  They say be careful what you wish for.  My family lost everything. I did not go to school for...

Read More

The Blooming Process

Last night this quote fell into my lap and it screamed at me softly. So much so it went straight to my Instagram feed (I have a slight IG addiction, my love for photos and making memories went from 0 to 100 when my daddy died.)Follow me on IG!!https://www.instagram.com/iamnatalake/

Not just the literal, but that undertone of being the creator of your own destiny! Sometimes you just have to dive in, forego the if, what's, how,  why's and maybe's and just jump.

Having read a lot of motivational books, sometimes it comes across as such an easy task. Wake up, make a change, challenge yourself and BAM your life changes.

But it isn's that easy!

It is hard sometimes to get up, go out and face the world. To deal with people in general. To get through a day without focusing on your shortcomings at least 100 times!  But somehow you manage. It is a challenge to let go of situations and thoughts that make you want to be in hiding. You can be the most bubbly person in the room, and still hide in a house.

If you have ever felt like that, or still do here are a few tips that I have used and I am still using on my journey to bloom!

• Clear your mind
• Focus on the present
• Clearly envision your goals daily
• Pray and manifest positive energy
• Meditate
• Push yourself- I mean really just jump- clear your mind and do it.
• Surround yourself with like minded people (Find your tribe)
• Music! Create playlists themed to each mood, or each attitude you want to adopt (Look out for my post next week on Theme days and the best playlists!)

Importantly, know that it is OK to fail. Every day is a new opportunity to start again and work daily on being the best version of yourself!

byNL

in blogger, caribbean, challenges, discipline, faith, growing, healing, journey, loa, love, meditation, music, positive, prayer, quotes, self confidence, self love, struggle, Trinidad

September 09, 2017

The Blooming Process

Last night this quote fell into my lap and it screamed at me softly. So much so it went straight to my Instagram feed (I have a slight ...

Read More

Flaws.

Everyone has them and it makes you who you are.

You ever realise when someone is too perfect your blood instantly starts to crawl, your alarm bells go off, your gut screams, intuition, whatever. 

OWN YOUR FLAWS

Benefits include:

• Your integrity shines!
• Less stress
• Removal of false friends.
• Removal of negativity
• People know the REAL you 
• For example "I'm not coming because I have to (insert excuse here)" Reality: "I'm not coming because I just want to stay home and watch Television." and they love you still. 
• You may actually live longer for it!
• You will automatically gravitate towards your tribe.
• It actually makes you more responsible!

Then you have those who don't see they have any flaws at all.

You can't blame them but you also can't help people who don't want to help themselves.

So you send them good energy and cut those chords.

Life is too short for sh*t.

But, do people feel pressured to be perfect because of society, or because they aren't  comfortable with themselves? What do you think?

byNL

in commentary, culture, cursing, dailylife, development, diamond, emotions, experiences, faith, family, harassment, health, instant messaging, interactions, journey, joy

September 01, 2017

Flaws.

Everyone has them and it makes you who you are. You ever realise when someone is too perfect your blood instantly starts to crawl, your ...

Read More

Check Up!

So today I went for my monthly check up!

They checked my BP, weight etc. All the vitals, and then they delved into the scary abyss of the question deeper than the ocean...  How do you feel?

You know that moment when you have a million fleeting thoughts, but when put on the spot you go blank and say "I'm fine."

That did not happen to me today.

Today I was actually able to say what was going well and what was not. What I am still battling with.

Today I got a gentle reminder that it is okay to be depressed, but it is better to actually do something about it.

I spoke to one of the officers about how I felt.

He said:

"Be Present, Be Selfish."

That's my advice for today, a seed of wisdom I think is really worth a share.

byNL

in 30 something, depression, faith, family, friends, grief, healing, hospital, journey, mental illness, sel love

August 23, 2017

Check Up!

So today I went for my monthly check up! They checked my BP, weight etc. All the vitals, and then they delved into the scary abyss of the...

Read More

Fear is faith it won't work out?

"Fear is faith that it won't work out"~Buddha.

Ever heard that saying? When I first did I was disturbed. Does that mean all my fears are truly based on an innate desire for things not to work out? Not likely.

Perhaps its the continuous thought that its not going to work, the "I'm not sure"declaration, that grows and manifests into that which is referred to as 'faith'. If you follow the infamous 'Secret' (which quotes the bible funnily enough). That is exactly what it is. You think about it, brood over it and in turn,  the actions which follow lead to the inevitable execution of all the negative scenarios created in your mind.

Tonight I sit, with high expectations,the excitement of a child and the fear of an adult as to what the next few days/weeks hold and how my future may be affected. My mind is clicking, brushing up on my second language, calculating what outfit I will wear, and who I need on speed dial to keep things casual and light when I start to panic.

I haven't walked in yet, into that which may be and hopefully will be the start of a new chapter in my life. Bittersweet fear grasps me. All I can proudly say is that, what is meant to be will be and the best is yet to come, and that which grasps me is NOT faith that it won't work out. Just human nature.

Most of the things you worry about NEVER happen.

byNL

in bible, change, emotions, faith, friendship, karma, love, mindpower, nerves, new beginning, positive, secret, willpower

September 18, 2012

Fear is faith it won't work out?

"Fear is faith that it won't work out"~Buddha. Ever heard that saying? When I first did I was disturbed. Does that mean all...

Read More